Unmanned Rocket Carrying Eric Trump Leaves Earth
(CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida) America’s first unmanned space flight in a decade took place Tuesday as Eric Trump was loaded into the FALCON-4 Rocket and launched into orbit shortly after noon local time. If all goes as planned, the ship carrying absolutely nothing of value will dock with the International Space Station.
Any mission of this kind carries risks. “Because of the danger, we couldn’t use a dog,” says NASA engineer Louise Reinhart. “People like dogs.”
Scientists will monitor the vital signs of the badger-faced fuck who funneled money from a children’s charity into The Trump Organization for several days before the ship departs for Earth. It is expected to land in the Indian Ocean on Friday.
In a statement, the White House says the President is “eagerly” watching the launch “despite what his schedule says.”
NASA hopes to learn information from the mission that will help them send a contributing member of society into orbit one day.
