Trump “Totally Not Sending Message” to “Very Alive” Maxwell

It was supposed to be an outdoor press conference about the coronavirus. Then a reporter, ABC’s John Karl, asked: what did the President think about Ghislaine Maxwell’s recent arrest and the charges brought against her? It took Trump an hour to finish answering.

After saying he was “sending no signal or message whatsoever”, President Trump loudly whistled, clapped and at times winked at the camera as he discussed the prosecution of alleged sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell.

With fingers crossed behind his back in full view of the attending press, the President attempted to discredit reporting that he was friendly with Maxwell and her associate Jeffrey Epstein.

“They keep showing these photographs,” he said, referring to recently unearthed photos of the two, shown on screens behind him. “Photographs of me and Ms. Maxwell are totally fake. They’re disgusting and fake,” he said, before clearly whispering “yeah, on opposite day” into the microphone and rolling his eyes.

Attorney General Bill Bar, whose department runs the facility where Epstein died, spoke following the President’s comments. Choking back laughter as tears poured from his smiling face, Barr said, “we are of course doing all we can to ensure her prosecution.” After a pause to wipe his eyes with a cloth and loudly exhaling before giggling once more, Barr turned and gave the President thumbs up with both hands. “We’ve got it handled, sir.” He then stuck his tongue out, closed his eyes and drew his thumb across his neck as the President did the same. “Jinx!”