Trump Staffer Changes Resume’s Font To Lighten Up Child Cage Section

“It’s definitely the funniest font,” says Mark Andrew, 38, speaking of the oft-derided Comic Sans. The outgoing staff assistant to Acting Homeland Security Secretary Chad Wolf is among the hundreds of Trump administration political employees set to jump ship in the coming months.

Speculation has run rampant that many Trump staffers will struggle to find jobs in the private sector.

“We’re all nervous,” he says, “because our accomplishments — like all accomplishments — sound, on paper, like ghastly and unforgivable moral choices.”

He sighs, then smiles.

“That’s when I had the idea to compliment sandwich the whole thing. Classic technique.”