Trump Considering Transfer To Electoral Community College

(WASHINGTON) With Joe Biden certain to win the Electoral College, and with it the presidency, President Trump’s closest advisors are readying a final effort to soothe their candidate’s ego: a last minute transfer to the far more accessible Electoral Community College.

“You only need like 200 [votes] to win there,” says a Trump campaign advisor, given anonymity to discuss internal strategy. “We keep telling him he should consider it. North Carolina, Texas, Ohio. All those would transfer. Plus it’s cheaper.”

Previous candidates have won the Electoral Community College and gone on to “great things”, notes Ronna McDaniel, Chairwoman of the RNC. “Bob Dole won it in 1996, for instance, and his television advertisements for erectile dysfunction treatments were wildly popular. ”

Newt Gingrich concurs. “It’s typical liberal elitism, this idea that every winning candidate has to go through the Electoral College.”

Surprisingly, some veterans of Democratic campaigns agree with the tactic, including James Carville, a senior advisor for Bill Clinton’s successful reelection campaign. “We won big in the Electoral College, did the whole thing, and what did it get us? Clinton’s still in debt. You don’t speak at the Little St. James Pharmaceutical Convention because you want to. I think.”