These Donuts Are Vegan, But NOT Cruelty-Free

Max Barth - maxbarth.substack.com
3 min readAug 10, 2021

We treat these donuts like absolute shit.

Photo Jeswin Thomas/ Sharon McCutcheon / Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

We’re twisted freaks here at Linda’s Sunshine Bakery. We don’t use animal products in our donuts but you’re goddamn right our pastries aren’t “cruelty-free”. We treat these donuts like complete shit: we yell at them as they come out of the fryer, we keep them in tiny little donut cages while we talk about how great it is to be a human — we even…

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Max Barth - maxbarth.substack.com

comedian, writer (The New Yorker, Reductress, The Hard Times, Hard Drive, Slackjaw, Points In Case), Libra moon. All my stuff: maxbarthcomedy.com