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Study: Placebo Vaccine Equally Effective At Starting Argument With Your Uncle
(GENEVA, Switzerland) A new study from the Placebo Institute, which may or may not exist, has confirmed that placebo coronavirus vaccines are “as effective” at starting arguments with misinformed uncles as their government-approved counterparts.
“We had our suspicions,” says Dr. Mishna Yahontov, who designed the study in conjunction with colleagues at Harvard Medical School. “We wanted to know if a medically useless shot of saline would enrage self-styled ‘free thinkers’ as much as life-saving vaccines have.”
The trial, which involved 30,000 volunteers as well as their online social networks of former acquaintances from middle school with Punisher tattoos, lasted three months.
The results were stark. “A placebo vaccine is actually more effective” at “triggering the real dregs of a social group” than the various approved vaccines, says the study’s author, Dr. Mishna Yahontov. “In the vast majority of cases, a participant mentioning that they received any vaccine was enough to get old coworkers who were fired for doing whippets in the walk-in freezer to call you a ‘sheep’. Revealing that the vaccine was a placebo and part of a study still brought about calls to ‘wake up’ from the same group.”
