Still Haven’t Filed Your Taxes? It’s Not Too Late To Heave Them Into The Sea
Poseidon Wants Your Data
Whatever your situation, we can all agree that 2020 was a bit unusual. After a year like no other, the IRS extended the tax filing deadline by over a month. That deadline recently passed. If you still haven’t filed your taxes, you may have one option remaining: heaving it all into the sea.
John McGee, a tax expert who heads McGee & Associates, recommends late filers gather their tax documents, drive in one direction “until they smell salt” and toss everything into the churning surf. “Watching seagulls fight over your Income Tax Return for Single and Joint Filers With No Dependents may be the best option for millions of Americans,” says McGee. “While the IRS may levy a fine or two for the missed deadline, sacrificing your personal financial data to King Poseidon, Lord Of The Sea, will commit your soul to his service while ensuring a better return in the next fiscal year.” (Full disclosure: McGee worships Poseidon.)
“The Great And Terrible Poseidon, King Of The Oceans, Earthquakes, and Adjusted Gross Income will gladly take your late tax filings,” says McGee. “You don’t even have to staple the forms.”
Especially crafty tax procrastinators can do better still, he says. “Slather a suckling pig in oil and throw it on a raging pyre. Drink fatty libations with a blind eunuch. Sing the song of the Atlantean Siren as you burn sage and the lesser consorts of the Sea King will arise and ferry your credit score to new heights.”
McGee recommends acting quickly, “for Poseidon’s mighty trident can only gouge so many State, Local and Federal forms.” The Internal Revenue Service’s Enforcement and Collection Division, though chronically underfunded, does claim much of the coast. “To avoid their jurisdiction entirely,” says McGee, “you’d have to depart on a harrowing journey to the very bowels of the Underworld, where they require you to bring documents in triplicate. Or Sweden.”
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