Shocking Video: Almond Breeze Milk Not Such A “Breeze” For Almonds
The playful and fresh packaging of a popular alternative milk brand is under fire after a video, taken from a factory where the product is produced, leaked Thursday. The Almond Breeze™ brand is one of the largest in the world, with a marketshare on track to eclipse dairy milk by 2026.
“What we can see [in the video], plain as day, is millions of almonds being slowly milked to death in front of their entire families,” says Aron Wether, spokesperson for the tree nuts-rights group that infiltrated the San Diego-area factory.
An investigation into the video’s origins is underway, according to an email from a company spokesperson. “We definitely want to know how those nuts got in here.” When reached for clarification, the spokesperson replied, “We mean the nuts that took the video.”
Wether’s group, the Alliance for Alternative Alternative Milks, insists the video is real. “Our brave infiltrators worked in that — I hesitate to call it a factory — that abattoir, really, for months to get this footage. We’re used to being mocked, but you can’t deny the visuals.”
The video initially appeared on popular website LiveLeak before being taken down under threat of legal action. A still image from the clip was provided to this publication and allegedly shows an illegally modified machine.
The Alliance has insisted that the company immediately stop all production of Almond Breeze™ products and commit to retraining programs for the remaining stock of almonds. “How would you feel if you were crushed slowly into dust by a pneumatic press in front of your relatives? Would you call that a breeze?”
As of press time the company has no plans to alter their packaging, but is taking the incident seriously. “We may do something with the Cashew Family’s Fabulous Peaceful Vacation™ brand. Stay tuned.”
