LEAKED: Biden’s 100 Day Plan
Day 1: check oval o. couch for the good phone charger left behind
Day 3: buy oldest dog available for “White House Dog” position// (remember: “OLD is BOLD” campaign) we’re talking like 19 y.o dog!
Day 5: bipartisan WIN ! — supermajority vote to name $3 trillion autonomous drone bombing fleet after the late Sen. John McCain
Day 22: veto Medicare for All, pardon Don Jr. (financial crimes), pardon Hunter Biden (vaping in hospital) declare National Day of Forgiving Adult Sons (*swing voters in OHIO have at least 1 adult son or are themselves an adult son with serious mistakes in past*)
Day 29: replace dead dog, again w/ oldest dog available
Day 30: fire Sec. O’Rourke for texting during meetings (2 warnings)
Day 42: release previously classified Navy UFO files, alien bodies, secret glowing space rocks that decide Superbowl winner, half-time act
Day 67: raise minimum wage 25 cents/hour (for seniors [under 65])*
*(born under a Waxing Gibbous moon)
Day 99: Send Bernie to Arctic on fact-finding mission (to find out this fact: how long it takes Bernie to take a fuckin’ hint)
Day 100: replace dead replacement dog, older if possible (this will become a viral internet meme), declare victory RE: whatever, bail out banks but in cool way..??
