Kings of Leon “Excited” To Tour Again, Eat More Bird Shit
Kings of Leon bassist Jared Followill announced today that the Grammy-award winning band are ready and “can’t wait” to hit the road once the coronavirus crises abates. The musician, who famously consumed bird waste by “accident” at a 2010 Kings of Leon show in Missouri, tweeted late Tuesday night that he was anxious to do so again.
“We can’t wait to get back on the road for ya’ll! We’re crowdsourcing venues, so if you know any that can fit thousands of hard rockers and keep social distancing and, total coincidence, but with, like, flocks of well-fed birds around, let us know!”
The 2010 Kings’ show, at the Verizon Amphitheater in St. Louis, has gone down in rock history; a flock of pigeons (and some fans), thrilled at hearing “Sex Is On Fire”, a cool song about intercourse, were wound into a bowel-evacuating frenzy by the mellifluous wails of singer Caleb Followil.
Caleb, the eldest of the fourteen or twenty or whatever the fuck brothers and cousins that make up the fucking band, apologized after the show to fans in a letter posted on the band’s website. “After looking at the clear sky, we didn’t want to go on stage, but after seeing how much [pigeon waste] fell on our opening acts, we knew we had to go out there with our mouths wide open to get as much of it as possible,” said the statement. “We’re sorry we couldn’t share any with you, but we’re greedy hard rock boys and that’s that.”
A source at the venue confirmed, “we knew the Lion Kings [sic] like to have sex, they sing about that, and it’s hot, and they like to do it a bunch and they also like to eat birdshit. It’s a branding thing.”
At press time the Say Ahh (Sex Is Cool) Tour has been postponed until at least 2021.