Isiah Thomas Still Angry Monstars Didn’t Steal His Talent

Thomas, who played against humans his entire career.

“I met all the qualifications,” says NBA legend Isiah Thomas, the hall of fame member and two-time NBA champion. “I can’t tell you why I wasn’t selected by the intergalactic rollercoaster tycoon Mr. Swackhammer to defeat Michael Jordan and the Looney Toons in a basketball game to turn the Earth into an amusement park or something, but I wasn’t.” He shrugs, but twenty years after the pivotal game it’s clear the omission still bothers him.

The Monstars (from left to right: Bupkus, Blanko, Pound, Bang, Nawt)

The aliens, who would form the team known as The Monstars, famously stole talent from some of the then-biggest names in basketball: Larry Johnson (who gets his talent stolen by the creature Bupkus) Charles Barkley (Pound), Shawn Bradley (Blanko), Patrick Ewing (Bang) and Mugsy Bogues (the coincidentally small Nawt). Great players, to be sure, but where was 12-time NBA All-Star Isiah, and why didn’t, say, Nawt, take his talent?

The NBA players shortly after the magic space basketball absorbed their talent. (from left to right: Barkley, Ewing, Bradley, Johnson, Bogues)

“It felt personal,” says Thomas, who led the famous Detroit Pistons “Bad Boys” to two championships and was regularly selected to Olympic and All-Star teams. “I’d only been out of the league for two years. I had the numbers. I could take Yosemite Sam, I could take Pepe [le Pew].”

The Monstars instead stole Bogues’ talent as point guard, a fact that stuns Thomas to this day. “You think Mugsy is gonna help you when you’re face to face with the manic athleticism of Taz, the Tasmanian Devil? When Elmer Fudd rides on Sylvester’s shoulders, who rides on Foghorn Leghorn’s shoulders and dunks with twenty seconds to go?” He knocks his championship rings on his desk. “Bullshit.”

As Thomas sees it, he was kept off of the team by Jordan, who was furious that Thomas had refused to shake his hand after the Pistons’ loss at the 1991 Eastern Conference Finals. “Jordan probably told Pound, who was clearly the team captain because he had the most lines, that he’d refuse to play against me,” says Thomas. “It was a set-up. It wasn’t about basketball.” Jordan, through a representative, referred questions to co-captain Porky Pig.

“Wi-wi-wi-with-a-with-a-with great re-re-re-respect I wa-wa-nt Isai-Isai-Isiah t-t-t-to-uh-to-uh know we nev-nev-never ha-ha-had a deal to kee-kee-keep-uh-keep-uh him off the te-te-team,” says Mr. Pig, “It wa-wa-wa-was totally the the Monstars de-de-de-de-decision, th-th-they-uh-uh-they wouldn’t have asked uh-uh-uh-uh-us anyway.”