Hey, Why Don’t You Come On Back? I’m A Doctor for People, Too

So I just took a look at Taco, and he’s doing fine for a dog his age. You may want to take it easy on the table scraps. Maybe bring him back in a few months for a checkup.

But hey, why don’t you come on back? I’m a doctor for people, too. Since you’re here already.

That’s right, yep. Exactly. I do veterinary work until about noon before I switch over. Well, would you look at that? Why don’t you come on back? I’ll take your weight.

Ok. Do you want a treat? Sorry, bad habit. Just kidding, these are for the canine patients. I know, they look good. We get a lot of patients in here for eating the wrong thing. Stand here. I had one who ate marijuana and fell asleep on their morning walk. Had to put him down. About 65, I think.

Well, your weight is fine. May want to take it easy on the table scraps yourself. Just kidding. Taco said the same thing. Just kidding. Dogs can’t talk, of course. I learned that in both schools.

Sure, take a seat.

Yes, those are both of my degrees. You can see it was a pretty advanced course of study — dogs and humans. Not so different, but not so alike either. Famously different from cats, of course. Dogs, I mean.

Why thank you. I think it certainly is a niche. It works for me.

Excuse me? Well, I’d argue the mall doesn’t need to know. It isn’t their business, just because I rent this space.

Look, if Taco hadn’t puked this morning would you be getting the medical attention you are now or the complimentary eye exam? Yes, yes, I am an ophthalmologist as well. For humans, only.

Let me stop you right there. Do not ask me about Taco’s fucking eyes. You never heard of HIPAA? I can’t share information between patients.

Where are you going?