Girlfriend “Literally” Can’t Believe You Used Arm Soap On Your Leg

Your girlfriend is dumbfounded, reports say, after you used arm soap on your leg. “Thinking that would even work is so sad,” she says, “As if it’s all just skin.”

Approximately one tenth of the lotions, unguents, oils, creams, salves and balms found at the scene.

A source present at the scene — who declined to be interviewed because it’s you, literally you — says the scrub was “a little vaguely” labeled.

Regardless, the error has clearly lowered her opinion of you.

“[You] grabbed the black bottle on the first shelf second from my right from where I was standing, and not the off-slate pump bottle third from your left on the second shelf from where you were standing. [Were you] even listening?”

She swears — loudly — that she’s moved on from the incident.

“Hey babe, you know what? Use whatever soap you want wherever you want, I don’t care. It’s your funeral.”