Desk Duty Cop Beats Shit Out Of Desk
(SMITHVILLE, Illinois) Officer David Planter, recently demoted murderer and three-year veteran of the Smithville Police Department, was caught on video beating the ever-loving shit out of his desk. Planter faced an initial suspension with pay for his part (the murder part) in the death of Thomas Warner in 2017. In a plea deal with local prosecutors, Planter agreed to serve two months on desk duty. The grueling sentence of sitting down indoors was something that angered Planter, according to friends.
“He was furious,” said a source who declined to be identified while protecting and serving for fear of reprisals from within the department. This reporter can confirm the source worked closely with the officer for months in a prior assignment issuing tickets to teenagers vaping in malls. “David loved driving around in the big boy car with us,” says the source. “He would beep and yell and go vroom vroom. We busted the Redbox DVD-Burning Ring together. That desk life wasn’t for him.”
Body camera footage seen by this reporter shows Planter, 57, beginning his first day of desk duty in the 3rd Precinct in Southwest Smithville. He is seen getting up twice, presumably to use the restroom, before appearing to kick the corner of his desk with his boot. This is when the trail runs cold as far as prosecutors are concerned. The bodycam footage appears to end the moment Planter pulls his leg back for what could be an illegal kick to the desk, a black Ikea Dësksön made of compressed wood chips. No explanation for the missing footage was provided by the department.
While the case against Planter may be uncertain, one thing is clear: someone beat the absolute shit out of the desk. Photos provided by the Department show an unmistakably Swedish pile of wood, twisted metal and those long weird nails they give you. If found guilty, Planter may face severe punishment such as standing desk duty and slower wifi on Thursdays.