CEO: You Gotta Go Back To Work Or I’ll Have To Get A Job Like Yours
Dear Essential Worker:
Look, I know you’re frustrated. The economy is in shambles, the streets are on fire and the police are murdering black people and shooting at journalists while Wells Fargo ATMs tragically perish. That’s why, more than ever, I need you to go back to work. You see, if you don’t go back to work, businesses like mine don’t stay open. And if we don’t stay open I’d have no choice but to get a job like yours, which you must return to. And jobs like yours are terrible.
Sure, I could just get a job like yours, but who would want that job? I mean, would you? I will do anything to avoid having a job like yours, and that includes asking you to do your job that I won’t do. For me. For you. For us. It’s solidarity!
Now, you’re no idiot. You might be thinking “ah ha, but that isn’t so bad!” Let me tell you, if all of our businesses fail because you don’t go back to work, there will be nowhere for anyone to work. We’ll all be out of work! And then what? Organize society differently? I won’t support that.What do you mean, threatening? I’ve put far too much of my parent’s money into this to be relegated to “equal”.
Trust me. Why would I lie to you? What possible incentive could I have, other than my absolute fear of having to do the type of work you already do under conditions I myself set?
Gotcha, didn’t I? Do you understand now? I have bought into the system more than you, and benefited from it, and rather than use my power to send stress “up the chain” and challenge it, I need you to cover for my at best mistaken faith by pretending everything is OK. That way, we — you — can all get back to work in the richest country in human history, where one in six children (one in THREE black children!) live in poverty.
Look, we’ll fly jets over your cities. Doesn’t that help? They go vroom vroom and they have pretty lights on them! Doesn’t that make you feel better? I feel safer with the jets. I feel safer with the murder cops. But I tell ya, I’d feel a lot safer if you showed up to work tomorrow.
Of course if you don’t we’ll just replace you with someone whose desperation can be leveraged more effectively.
Please return your HERO bonus.
Thanks!
sent from my iPhone
