Sneaky and scrumptious tips.

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

Between Zoom meetings, trips to reduced-capacity grocery stores, and repeated visits from the fire department to locate the source of that smell, who has time to cook these days? Meal delivery services abound but can be pricey. Cooking for larger families is harder still, a challenge made more difficult by pesky alarm systems and nosy pets. Here are some tips I’ve learned, hiding in the crawlspace of a suburban home since 2011 while cooking for a family of six:

Beans are a hardy and nutritious ingredient that can be prepared in multiple ways while your hosts are upstairs debating whether…

Image by Robert Ecks
  1. Many fans are asking for it, for instance me.
  2. Foghorn Leghorn is already too hot so we went with our second choice.
  3. It’s realistic. Fudd is essentially doing high intensity cardio every day during rabbit season/duck season. The results of this training should be evident on the court.
  4. Lebron gave the OK for a hotter Fudd, per the New York Times:

James, who will star in [Space Jam 2], “totally supports” making the Fudd character “as hot as the audience can withstand”, according to a source familiar with the production.

Photo by Werner Pfennig from Pexels

“I’m voting against it,” said a Senator who represents about half a soccer team in a press conference Tuesday afternoon.

The Senator, discussing a bill which would raise taxes on the wealthy to fund child cancer research, wasted no time tearing into the legislative process. “I wasn’t sent to Washington to raise taxes. I was sent to speak for the forgotten American as well as the crickets, chickens and hawks that my state counts for census purposes.”

The Senator is currrently serving a third term. He was re-elected in a landslide this fall when someone’s car broke down and three people couldn’t make it to the polls.

Without the Senator’s support, the bill appears unlikely to pass.

To my dear wife, children, parents, siblings and extended family —

Tom (Dad) here. If you found this note, you are probably wondering where I am.

But first I want you to know how grateful I am for your support over the years.

While I know many of you are still savoring my most recent victory, I wanted to let you know something before anyone else does:

I am, effective immediately, retiring from family to spend more time with football.

This decision was not easy. Family has been my whole life. In fact, most of my earliest memories are of…

Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels

I’ve decided to start a daily journal. I hope my grandchildren will read it one day. They’ll learn about me, of course, but also today’s society, and how certain things about the human experience are timeless. Perhaps they’ll learn a little about themselves in the process.

They’ll flip the page and peer into the past with entries like:

Hey, it’s me…i.e you. Haha. Ok. New journal. Will write every day, back tommorow (sic)!

Ok…I have to admit that’s all I got, entry-wise. It’s been a busy year. The handwriting is pretty good, though, so my descendants will know I cared about penmanship. Be right back

Deusthce Bank. Doyche Bank. DOUTCHE. DEUETSCHE. Is that it? Holy shit is that right? No, fuck. There’s the little red line. Goddamn it. Fuck shit. Doutsche. I’m 31. I read. Fuck. Deushtshe. Ok there is a D, definitely.


De. Right? Denmark? Germany? I know those are different places. I’m not that stupid. Isn’t DE a thing in video games? Like if you play someone from Germany doesn’t it say DE next to their name? Am I hallucinating? Oh god I’m sweating. I can’t google it. I refuse. I must have learned this by now. It’s been all over the…

Talk about social distancing!

Photo by Gladson Xavier from Pexels

This week I took the Pfizer, Moderna, and AstraZeneca vaccines. I am pleased to report that I remain COVID negative as of today’s test and also I can now levitate.

To be clear, I’m not a doctor and none of this is medical advice.

Please don’t read too much into my anecdotal experience. Just because I took all of the available vaccines at once in a Denny’s parking lot and instantly developed an immensely rewarding superhuman ability that made the risk worth it, doesn’t mean you will, too.

From a bird’s eye view (literally) I know the whole process can…

Max Barth

comedian, writer, Libra moon, all my stuff >>

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store