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5 Neolithic Fertility Statues That Look Like They Really Have To Pee
Like, really bad.
1. Venus of Laussel (created some 25,000 years ago):
This bas-relief carving of a nude woman, found in France in 1911, clearly depicts a woman who has to pee like mega bad. Experts say this particular Venus figure could be a sort of “urinary talisman” meant to inspire a family or close-knit tribal group to urinate in containers rather than on each other as was common.
Debate continues among archaeologists over whether the horn is meant to signify where the figure caught her pee from when she finally peed, or whether the horn was full of pee from a second party the figure was thus depicted holding it as some form of punishment or enticement to pee herself. We’ll likely never know.
2. Venus of Tan-Tan (500,000 years ago)
The piece known as the Venus of Tan-Tan, which far predates the Venus of Laussel, is widely considered one of the first pieces of art depicting the human form. Debate continues over whether this strangely shaped piece of quartzite was merely discovered by our ancestors as-is or manipulated later with tools of some kind. Either way, modern audiences can appreciate the emotionality of the figure. The woman is depicted dejected, with slouched shoulders that seem to scream through the ages “I am afraid of peeing in the wrong place and having tigers eat my family.”
3. Halaf Culture Fertility Figure (6000–5100 BCE)
This figure — believed to originate with a prehistoric culture of the Mesopotamian in what is now southeastern Turkey — shows a seated woman with hands clasped in gratitude, perhaps because she was finally able to take a second to pee after walking all morning to hunt and/or gather. This particular figure is of historical significance as it is the first known depiction of someone actually urinating. It’s the Holy Grail of piss art.
